Blowing Up Nerima!
by MadPanda
Summary: Ranma meets a few Dragons, the Secret War comes to Nerima, and an awful lot of real estate gets reduced to rubble. A crossover between Ranma 12, Feng Shui the RPG, and possibly a bit of Shadowfist CCG just for kicks. OOC and SI warnings are in effect.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: Ranma ½ belongs to Rumiko Takahashi and Viz Video. Feng Shui (the RPG) belongs to Atlas Games. Some OOC may be anticipated due to post-traumatic stress. Some SI will occur as well. Beware of exploding Jammers. Some alteration of original source material is inevitable. Purists have been warned. Do not bother the Uberkid. She's vicious.

Blowing Up Nerima

A Feng Shui RPG/Ranma ½ Crossover from the MadPanda

Phase One: Mustang in the Crosshairs

Saotome Ranma was having a very, very bad day. Maybe it was simply because this was Monday. Maybe it was the five-way brawl that met him at Furinkan High's embattled gates, courtesy of both Kunos, a P-chan in human form, Mousse, and that Pantyhose Taro guy. Perhaps it was the pleasant experience of being arbitrarily drained by Hiniko-sensei for tardiness even though he made it into his seat a few seconds ahead of the bell. And just possibly it was finding out that he had left his bento behind in the panicked rush to school this morning, which left him facing Akane's attempts at cooking in lieu of an actual lunch. Any and all of these were perfectly valid reasons to beg the Powers That Were for a chance to perform a cosmic three-fingered allure. Yet somehow Ranma managed to find a new and even more pressing reason to cancel the rest of the day.

Someone was trying to kill him.

By itself this was not so unusual. Someone was usually trying their level best to fold, spindle, mutilate, smite, seriously inconvenience, or just plain beat him silly. From Ryoga's oft-bellowed 'Die, Ranma!' to the 'Foul Sorcerer' of Kuno Tatewaki, Age Seventeen, to the easily survivable 'Ranma no baka!' of his unwilling fiancée; all of these were accepted and even normal events in his day to day passage through the school of harder knocks. This, though...

There had been no sneering, no insults, no challenge letter, no bellowed list of complaints real and imagined, and no warning. One moment he had been idly watching this innocent and harmless little red light playing across the sidewalk just in front of his feet. He sneezed suddenly, and heard something scream past his head...and by the time the second and third bullets cratered the concrete, he was diving for the hopefully bulletproof cover of a nice, thick vehicle barrier.

He figured out what was happening almost at once—he'd seen action movies often enough to know the equation of 'little red dot plus bullets equals targeting system plus gun'. Two rounds impacted against the barrier within seconds of each other. That was a bad sign. He didn't know whether he could dodge bullets. He didn't want to find out the hard way, either...Genma had never trained him for this situation, and those slugs were tearing fist-sized holes in the sidewalk! What they would do to a human body wasn't something Ranma wanted to dwell on too much.

Sirens in the distance...had someone alerted the police? Even so, could they handle it? Even if they could handle it, would they get here in time?

Another round hit the barrier. This time, Ranma felt slivers of flying debris nick his arm. Oh, damn...maybe moving would be a wise tactical decision?

Testing his luck, he leapt forth, sprinting for the next hoped-for sanctuary out of the line of fire: another barrier some fifty meters away. Dodging, weaving, and occasionally bouncing off the walls he went, followed all the way by little craters in the street. He made it...barely. As he lay panting nervously in the shadow of his new shelter, he saw three new pockmarks appear, almost in front of his face. It was almost as if the shooter wanted to play with him, to tease him.

Two more craters appeared, several feet apart...at the same time.

He realized with horror that there were probably two snipers, not one. Who wanted him dead this badly? Wait: silly question. Who wanted him dead this badly and was willing and able to put up enough money to pay someone to do this?

Any one of the Kuno family could, but only Tatewaki wanted him dead, and the Blue Blunder would want to handle things personally, at sword point. Nabiki? But she had other ways of getting back at him, and he was pretty sure he hadn't pissed her off recently. Ryoga would do it personally, like Kuno. And that Gosunkugi kid would try something magical instead.

Nobody else came to mind, mostly because a new hail of shots smacked the far wall next to the street and peppered him with more loose fragments of masonry and stonework.

A police helicopter passed by close overhead. As it moved over toward the snipers' probable position, Ranma heard pinging noises coming from it...and then the dreadful noise of the engine doing something very wrong, and he knew that someone had just murdered a cop or two to get at him! As the chopper careened in for a hard, final landing, he made a silent promise to avenge the fallen. Bad enough that his rivals tended to pay little attention to bystanders. This was insane...almost an act of pure terrorism instead of a mere murder.

He used the crash anyway, sprinting for what he hoped beyond hope would prove to be a blind corner that would allow him to hide from this new, gut-loosening horror. Just as he got around the corner, he saw a flash of light sharpening his silhouette against the buildings, heard a horrible whooshing noise, and felt the hand of an invisible giant pushing him a little further along. The helicopter's fuel tank had exploded. Numb and a little sick with fear, Ranma sank to his haunches, his back against the wall, and waited.

There were no further gunshots. Slowly, cautiously, Ranma slipped away from the scene and ran back to the Tendo home, taking every precaution he could devise to avoid bringing the danger along with him.

The house and dojo were both dark by the time he made it there—evasive action had delayed him for a few hours. Apparently everybody had decided that he would come home when he was ready, and that was that. So unfair...but it was a nice change from the usual blamefest he had anticipated. He slid in through the kitchen door as quietly as he could, hoping that this time he wouldn't wake anyone up...

"Welcome home, Ranma-kun. You missed dinner." The maternal and oh-so-concerned voice of Tendo Kasumi came to him out of the darkness.

"Yiii...uh, yeah, sorry, Kasumi-chan. I...kinda had a bad day."

"Would you like to talk about it?" The gentle concern in her voice, so motherly...so caring...he could feel the tears struggling to break past his self-discipline.

"Naww, nothin' I can't handle."

"Well, if you ever change your mind, I'd love to hear about your adventuresome afternoon. Akane was quite upset that you did not come home earlier..."

"Yeah, well, me too. It wasn't what she thinks." It never is, he added silently, and Kasumi giggled.

"She is a sweet girl, Ranma-kun. She really is. Even though she is often temperamental and prone to violence. Here, I made sure we had leftovers from dinner for you."

"Thanks, Kasumi-ne-chan."

"Don't mention it."

He ate his cold dinner, thanked her profusely, and slipped away to his room. Genma-panda snored away, sprawled across both futons in the most undignified manner. With some effort, Ranma recovered his bedding and curled up in the corner. Sleep, he said to himself. I'll just sleep on it, and everything will be better in the morning.

Sleep did not come easily. He kept hearing the bullets smacking the cement, tearing into the helicopter engine...that awful scream of dying machinery followed by the fuel tank going up...and when slumber finally claimed him, his dreams were awful, bloody nightmares filled with terror, fire, and darkness. He rose before even his lazy fat fool father the next morning and went downstairs to find Kasumi already about her daily routine.

"K...Kasumi?"

"Yes, Ranma-kun?"

"I think...I need to go on a training trip for a little while. So, uhm, could you...y'know, interference for me?"

"That's not very proper, Ranma-kun! Father will be upset. Akane will be upset, too."

"Yeah, I know, but...I bring enough trouble to this house. I wanna get away from you before this one hits."

Kasumi stopped her cooking and turned to him, placing both her hands on his shoulders.

"Whatever it is, Ranma-kun, it is not your fault. We will get through this. Now, if you have the courage to stay, I am sure we can work something out. Promise me you won't go off on your own like that unless we've already tried other means?"

"But I..."

"Promise me, Ranma-kun!"

That did it. Who could refuse Kasumi? "Oh...kay, I promise. But...this one's bad, Kasumi! I don't think we can just talk it out. They were..."

"Yes?"

"Nothin'. It ain't important." How could he describe the fear, the intense panic, the overwhelming helplessness he'd felt? Or even the very idea of someone trying to shoot him down? So long as there was nothing he could do to stop it, there was no point in panicking sweet, gentle, innocent Kasumi.

"Pervert! Stop molesting Kasumi!"

"Not again, please..."

Akane smacked him dead on with her mallet, not even waiting for him to utter his usual futile protestations of innocence. Kasumi scolded her for it, of course. But for a change, the mallet wasn't such a big thing. Next to bullets from the blue, it was at least familiar. Ranma didn't complain.

Breakfast was more tense than usual. Ranma just wasn't reacting to the usual jibes from Nabiki, or the whining complaints from Soun. Akane's righteous indignation bypassed him utterly. Even Genma's bellowing didn't faze him. Naturally, the less he reacted the more they pushed. Finally he just excused himself quietly and went to his room to prepare for school. Let them bicker, he thought. They seem happier that way.

The walk to school was pure torture. All he could see were the many places where someone with a high-powered rifle could lie in wait for him. He could feel the crosshairs centering on the back of his neck, expecting that at any second his life would be ended, cursing the knowledge that he would never know who did it or why. Thus distracted, he missed Shampoo's usual attempt to talk him into skipping school, Akane's temper tantrum, the little old ladle lady's daily triggering of his curse. He even managed to ignore Kuno, crossing the school-yard in a sudden, zig-zagging run to throw off any snipers. Reaching his homeroom, he chose to huddle against the far corner of the wall just under the windows—his usual seat was beautifully centered in full view of the many buildings easily visible in the near distance! No way was he sitting there! It was dangerous—a guy could get shot. Instead he sat in the corner, fidgeted, and failed to sleep through any of his classes.

It was this last thing that caught everyone's attention. The rumor mill, given a healthy kick in the chops by Akane's refusal to discuss whatever might be bugging that perverted jerk fiancé of hers, concluded that the stress had finally pushed the pigtailed misfit over the edge. He'd snapped, they whispered. His mind had gone. He was now officially a pair of jokers shy of a full deck. And Ranma, had he been let in on the jest, would have agreed immediately. The stress was indeed breaking him...breaking him out of complacency, at any rate. Nothing like a good case of real fear to shake you out of a self-congratulatory sense of your own superiority, he would have said. But they didn't ask, and so Ranma continued his temporary descent into situational over-awareness without comment.

It was probably just dumb luck that nobody had the poor timing to actually attempt an ambush that day. If that had happened...Furinkan High might have found out what Saffron knew all too well about a Saotome unleashed in his fury.

The walk home was as fun and relaxed as the walk to school had been. The only difference was that Ranma hadn't bothered changing back to boy mode, and so felt a little bit more secure. There was a chance that whoever was trying to kill him didn't know about his girl side...a hope that maintained him as far as the Tendo's gate and right into the house, where Kasumi waited, a serene smile on her face and an after-school snack waiting on a tray, waiting for him.

"How was your day, Ranma-kun?"

"Coulda been worse. I've kinda been on edge all day, ya know?"

"I remember."

"I promised ya, so I'm not goin' off alone, but...this is really serious, Kasumi-chan! I'm almost ready ta call off th' engagement, just for a bit, just until..."

"You promised, Ranma-kun." Kasumi's voice, just for a second, was flint-hard, frigidly cold. "You do not want to go back on a promise, do you?"

"I ain't Pops!"

"That's that, then." She smiled sweetly. "It is nice that you care enough to consider doing such a thing, but a promise is a promise."

He sagged in defeat. Didn't she understand that he couldn't protect her from this? If he drew the attention of those murdering cowards to this home...

"I'm home!" Akane shouted from the front door, slamming it. "Where's that jerk? I want to talk to him!"

"Did something happen today, Ranma-kun?"

"Naw, nothin' happened. That's kinda the problem. I was...expectin' trouble all day, and now some of the others think I'm losin' my mind."

"And Akane-chan caught the brunt of it. I see. Wait here."

Kasumi left him alone in the kitchen and went to run interference. He heard her greet Akane pleasantly, ask how her day went...

The world rocked wildly. The kitchen windows exploded, spraying splinters and glass everywhere. A second later, pieces of rock from the wall around the house landed as well, punching holes in the wall. Kasumi and Akane cried out in fright or pain. And he...

The pain was incredible, though mercifully brief. If he had to put words to it, it was like the marrow in his bones had been set ablaze and then someone just ripped it out in one sudden, violent jerk. It left him weak and disoriented for a few crucial seconds. More importantly, it left him on the floor.

The buzzsaw sound of a mini-gun firing assaulted his ears, followed a few seconds later by the crashing timber of a collapsing dojo. Several stray shots shattered the remaining windows, chewed up the walls, and pinged off Kasumi's new pots and pans in the cabinets over the stove.

"Take that, you cheaters!"

Not a human voice, not with those peculiar harmonics...electronic? Robotic? And it came from the yard, probably by the dojo. Ranma crawled for the door, mindful of the debris littering the area. Peeking around the door, he saw something that made him wish that a bullet had hit him instead.

It was ugly, maybe three meters tall, and looked like some nightmare cross between a gorilla and, say, Robocop. It also had a mini-gun bolted to one arm, which it used to hose down the area.

"Yeah! Burn, baby, burn! Burn this outta sight site, down to the ground, yeah..."

Akane lay bleeding in front of the machine-ape-thing, her body over Kasumi's...attempting in vain to protect her beloved older sister from the intruder. She spat defiance at the creature.

"Demon scum!"

"My, my, hey, hey, this one's still alive! Hello, little piece! You got spice, a little kick to your mojo. Too bad! Cheaters gotta die sometime!"

The last action it would ever perform was pointing that huge chain gun at the two Tendo girls. Ranma slammed into it, unleashing the Tenchin Amakiguriken at the black, furry, primate face. It went down immediately, Ranma riding its mechanical corpus, and pounding his fists again and again and again...

Ten minutes later, when someone hauled him off of the battered and pulped body of what had been a monster, he was still sobbing out curses. The yard was a mess. The house was badly damaged, with most of the ground floor heavily shot up. The dojo...lost behind sheets of flame. The compound walls had been breached.

"What...was that thing?" Ranma croaked out. His rescuers patted him gently on the shoulder and threw a heavy blanket around him. "What...why here? Why now? What did they want?"

"You, probably," one of his saviors commented dryly—a tall gaijin man in dark clothing, almost but not quite a ninja's outfit. "Try to relax, kid. More help is on the way."

"The others...?"

"My partner's having a look at them now. And here she comes with the verdict. Yo, Chen! How're they doin'?"

The short, stocky tomboy approaching them adjusted her mirror-shade sunglasses and smirked. Ranma caught a flash of neon green _kanji_ under her black leather biker's jacket. There was something irritatingly familiar about her...

"They'll live. Looks like Battlechimp's boys just wanted to burn the site. How about him?"

"He's okay." The man looked down at Ranma. "You are okay, right?"

"Yeah...yeah, I'm fine..."

"Good. Cuff him," said the woman, holding up a police badge on a lanyard. "Saotome Ranma, you are under arrest for the murder of one Saffron, Immortal. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say..."

End Phase One.

Phase Two Loading.

Author's Debriefing:

This is not the first time I've tried to write a cross-over between Ranma and Feng Shui (the RPG of Hong Kong Action movies, not geomancy). It is, however, the first such attempt that didn't get way too silly within the first two pages.

For the amusement of my regular gaming group, some of the player characters from our brief round-robin stint of Feng Shui play may be appearing from time to time. Credit for these guest appearances will be given where appropriate.

Yes, the title of this fic _is_ an intentional play on 'Blowing Up Hong Kong' which is both a chapter in the Feng Shui rulebook and an upcoming sourcebook. It seemed appropriate at the time...but may change at some point in the future.

So far as I know, Japanese police do not have to advise a suspect of their rights at the time of arrest...


	2. You Mean It Gets Worse?

Disclaimer: Ranma ½ belongs to Rumiko Takahashi and Viz Video. Feng Shui (the RPG) belongs to Atlas Games. Some OOC may be anticipated due to post-traumatic stress. Some SI will occur as well. Beware of exploding Jammers. Some alteration of original source material is inevitable. Purists have been warned.

Blowing Up Nerima.

A Feng Shui RPG/Ranma ½ Crossover from the MadPanda

Phase Two: You Mean It Gets Worse?

Ranma slumped in defeat. He had thought that yet another person out to kill him was bad, but true to form the day had gotten worse after all. He was under arrest. The _gaijin_ had gently but firmly handcuffed him while the blue-haired tomboy with the badge had informed him of his legal rights. He had the right to remain silent. Anything he said could be used against him in a court of law. He had the right to an attorney. His head swam. If he did not have an attorney or could not afford one, a public defender would be appointed to help him…he almost laughed. Afford a lawyer? He could barely afford to pay attention, thanks to Nabiki! And what she'd do to him in order to pay for the repairs to the house…

They escorted him out through what used to be the front gate of the Tendo compound, now little more than a rubble-strewn hole in the wall and street. As they emerged, a pair of ambulances screeched to a halt. The tomboy barked instructions at the paramedics and pointed them to the fallen. But Ranma just drifted along, anchored to consciousness only by the firm hand on his elbow. Akane! Kasumi! Tendo-san! Pops…were they okay? What was that thing in the garden?

"Watch your head, son."

He was placed in the back of an unmarked, unremarkable car…right next to a shaken and sullen Tendo Nabiki.

"Ranma! You're okay! You made it…what happened?"

"Uhm." He couldn't meet her eyes. He could barely even raise his voice enough to answer her. Akane! Kasumi! Pops… "I…I dunno, Nabiki. I jus' dunno…"

The two cops got in the front seat, with the tomboy on the driver's side. The _gaijin_ turned around to regard them. He grinned, possibly meaning to be friendly. Somehow it just made him look more menacing.

"You kids behave back there, okay? No fooling around or we'll have to book you on public indecency and statutory rape as well."

"Hey!" Nabiki growled at the man. Ranma flinched at the girl's sudden aggressiveness. Nothing was going right today!

The tomboyish cop whapped her partner on the arm. "Behave, damn it! They've got enough to worry about!"

"Sorry, Patches."

"You call me Detective Chen. Only other cops and friends call me Patches."

The man shrugged and turned back to them again, this time focusing on Nabiki. "So, Miss Tendo, if that really is your name, you wanna make this easy on yourself and just start talkin' to me now? Or do you feel brave and crazy enough to lawyer up?"

Nabiki shook her head violently, her face strained and pale.

"I didn't think so. That's a pity. You're in a heap of trouble, girl. But we can talk about that later."

That was the last comment for a while as Detective Chen drove through the streets of Nerima. Finally, after bypassing a few major police stations, she pulled into an all night convenience store.

"Alex," she purred, "I need a Coke. Be a good boy and get me one?"

The man winced and got out of the car. He walked quickly into the store, shaking his head. Detective Chen, meanwhile, turned around to look at the two teenagers in the back…mostly Nabiki.

"By now, you've noticed that I'm not taking you to the station. You're a bright girl. That's your rep, anyway. So you probably don't need me to draw you a picture. You know what I am, right?"

Nabiki nodded.

"And you know what I can do to you."

Nabiki's face paled. She nodded slowly and carefully.

"So you're going to be a good little girl and do as you are told, right?"

"Y-yes, Ma'am."

"Good. Now, Miss Tendo, if you have any influence with your friend, here, I would heartily encourage you to use it. The two of you are in a great deal of trouble right now, and if he decides to make life interesting for me…" The cop let her voice trail off, making a vague gesture. "I am in a position to make his life very, very interesting indeed. Get me?"

"I understand," Nabiki muttered. She glanced at Ranma with panic in her eyes. "Ranma?"

"I ain't dumb. I understand…an' I don't like it, but what choice do I got right now?"

Chen chuckled. "You'd be surprised how many people aren't as smart as you, kiddo. That Genma, for one, and his overly emotional pal Soun, for another."

"Whaddya want with Pops?"

"Oh, lots of different things. Kidnapping. Child abuse. Animal abuse. More counts of petty theft, fraud, and abandonment than you can shake a weapon at. He's a real piece of work, that one." Detective Chen grinned at Ranma directly. "And you, you poor kid, got stuck with the tab. Not that you haven't given Interpol plenty of reason to be interested in you all on your own."

"Whaddya mean?"

"The murder of Saffron, for starters. The destruction of Jyusendyo and Jusenkyo for another. And there's an autonomous cultural region that seems to have a serious mad-on at you for some region. They've been pestering certain higher-ups in Beijing to find you for them."

"Amazons," Nabiki and Ranma sighed in unison.

"Yeah, that's the group. Real frosty bitches, too. So before you say anything else to me, understand that the PRC has a long list of reasons for wanting your ass on a plate. Me, I understand what happened. Saffron was an asshole who didn't give you the choice. And the Amazons think it's still the Han Dynasty or something. None of which changes my job. Just so you understand that there's nothing personal involved, here."

Alex came back with a six-pack of Pepsi just then. He handed one to Detective Chen, offered one each to the two teens, and took one for himself. The adults lapsed into silence, sipping their drinks as Chen pulled out into traffic again. Eventually, Alex cleared his throat.

"What gets me…uh, _Detective_, is that here we've been tryin' to find a way to take care of that site for, what? Six months? Seven? Ever since you passed that Interpol case file off to Grandad. And those damn monkeys just up and burn it, easy as you please, in broad daylight…"

"That's Jammers for you! Blow shit up, rah rah rah, screw the consequences. Sort of like high-end martial artists with no social skills. And speaking of psycho-bastard chimps with itchy trigger fingers…"

She yanked the wheel hard and slammed on the brakes. Something whizzed past them, and an oncoming car blossomed into a fiery flower of death and shrapnel. Detective Chen floored the accelerator a split second before another missile impacted the road where the back tires had been…

"We've got company."

Nabiki threw herself against Ranma, trembling and whimpering in panic. The two kids twisted into something closer to a prone position in the back seat…Ranma had a moment to contemplate that these two people kept calling him 'son' in spite of the fact that he was a she. The close proximity of Nabiki's body, pressed tightly against his, brought this uncomfortable fact immediately, repeatedly, to mind…but this was no time to be puzzled!

Bullets hit the back of the car. There was another sudden lurch as Chen pulled the unmarked police car through a hard turn, lost and regained control in a skid, and bounced off a few guard rails in the process.

"Hey, Patches, you want me to drive?"

"Shut up, Alex! Try doing something helpful! Or at least constructive…"

Laughing, the man slid partway out the window, producing a large handgun from under his jacket as he did so.

"Your wish, fair maiden…" Bang! Bang! "My command!" Bang!

An explosion behind them…more bullets, more whooshing sounds. Cars crashing. People screaming. Another gas tank exploded. Through it all, a strange high-pitched whining, like very small jet engines revving up, cut through the fireworks. Then, without warning, Alex suddenly slid back into his seat.

"Hard left! Now, damn it!"

With screeching tires and the inevitable fish-tailing skid, Detective Chen stomped on the brakes, yanked the wheel, stomped again on the gas…

The car shot into a well-hidden alleyway. A second later, two explosions blocked the entrance with rubble and bits of building. Detective Chen spat obscenities as she slalomed past piles of packing crates and garbage dumpsters.

"Damn!" Alex whooped with excitement. "They must want your ass pretty bad, boy! That's the Flying Monkey Squad itself!"

"How many?" Chen pulled the car to a sudden stop.

"I got two. Another two smacked the entrance…flying monkeys can't steer worth warm spit. So, uhm…"

"How. Many. More."

"I dunno. Two or three, at least. Maybe even Furious George."

"Battlechimp himself?"

"Not unless Red here is a ton more valuable than she looks…"

"Red is a he. And yes, he is quite valuable. Right. You two, out of the car! Now!" Chen almost ripped the side door open to let Ranma and Nabiki crawl out. Hauling him to his feet, the woman unlocked his cuffs, then Nabiki's. "I'll trust you, just this once. Get me? Go that way. Do not look back. We'll cover you." Ranma nodded, and the woman shoved him toward a nearby warehouse door that stood conveniently (and suspiciously) open. Nabiki followed, still whimpering quietly in her panic.

This wasn't Ranma's night. His suspicions concerning the warehouse were confirmed when several people in clown masks and black leather rushed him out of the darkness, weapons at the ready. Acting instinctively, Ranma pushed Nabiki behind him and dropped into ready stance. Howling in fury, the goons attacked…

They had no style, no coordination. Their skills were barely above those of common bullies. If there weren't so many of them, Ranma would've felt a lot better…but this was closer to Akane's morning brawl than his usual one-on-one fight! And he also had to worry about Nabiki, who wasn't a trained martial artist! Behind him, sounds of gunfire assured that Alex and Detective Chen were too busy to help out…was that an automatic rifle?

Two of the goons went for Ranma. A third lunged for Nabiki, hoping to take advantage of Ranma's distraction. The others hung back, intending to enjoy the spoils once what seemed to be a pair of helpless girls were adequately subdued.

Ranma kneed the first man in the balls, grabbed his collar with both hands, and flipped him into the other hard enough to send both assailants to the concrete floor in a heap. Spinning around, he found that Nabiki…

"Worry about yourself, Saotome!"

Nabiki had un-manned, disarmed, and incapacitated her attacker almost as swiftly as Ranma had dealt with his two. Even as he flinched in sympathy with the thug who now lay twitching on the floor, the pig-tailed martial artist spun in place to catch the next wave as all six remaining bullies rushed him! Falling back on years of training, Ranma allowed himself a moment's lamentation at the injustice of the whole affair.

"Why me?" Chop. Block. Punch. "What did I do?" Kick. Jump. Block. Sweep. "Besides get born, I mean." Grab. Toss. "I don't even _know_ these assholes!" Punch. Punch. Kick. Block. "Doesn't stop them from wantin' ta kill me, does it?" Block. Duck. Jump kick. "Story of my fucking life…"

Five of the six were down before they could do much more than look menacing. The sixth managed to land a kick, tossing the presently female fighter for a fair distance. Landing poorly, Ranma looked up to see the man charging down on her, crowbar raised, yelling furiously. Grinning, he got set to roll out of the way and give the thug a painful surprise before putting him out of action.

Then someone…Detective Chen…uttered a word that Ranma didn't understand. He heard Nabiki squeal with terror and something _wrong_ happened. The mook suddenly halted in place and twitched as a lightning bolt out of nowhere struck him in the chest! For what felt like an eternity, the man was suspended in the air as the purple-white lightning arced across his body. He screamed…and then it was over, the flash-fried corpse falling to the ground with a thud. The air in the entire warehouse suddenly seemed full of static electricity, the stench of burning flesh and gunpowder, and the groans of the wounded.

Magic, Ranma realized with horror. He'd seen it before, but not like this…not so lethally applied, so callously directed. Not even the chi blasts regularly used by Cologne and Ryoga were so alien, so hostile…and Detective Chen clearly was more than she seemed. Ranma wasn't sure whether or not he liked that idea.

"Come on, Patches, didn't you want to let the boy finish playing?" Alex's laughter sounded harsh.

"Not really. Jammers attract a lot of attention, and fast. I was hoping to get the kids well away from here before anything else happened. I don't have time to mess with street thugs."

Ranma clenched his jaw. "Who the hell _are_ you people?"

"We're the good guys," Alex grinned. "Come on, kid, get up. I'll even give you a hand with your girlfriend."

"She's not my…oh, forget it."

As the two helped Nabiki stand up and collect her bearings, Detective Chen had pulled out a cell phone and hit the speed dialer.

"Hong Kong Police? Section Forty-four, please. Hey, Rupert? This is Patches. Tell the old man I ran into a bit of a problem tracking down that Interpol case. What? No, that isn't…the kid's fine. Quite healthy, in fact. But it looks like we need to keep him here for a bit. Long story." She paused and glanced at Nabiki. "Okay, it's a very short story. Two words: dark sorceress. Three more words: dark _chi_ site. One last word: Jammers. Get the idea?"

Ranma looked over at Nabiki as well. The older girl was shivering and pale, clearly shaken to the core.

"What's she mean, Nabiki? Dark sorceress? Dark _chi_ site? I don't get it."

"Please, Ranma…not now…I can't…" Nabiki grabbed a hold of her would-be brother-in-law, pressed her face to his ample chest, and wept softly. "I'm sorry. I'm just…so tired…I promise I'll explain later! It doesn't matter anymore." Uncomfortably, Ranma put his arm around the girl and listened to the others talk with only half an ear.

"They'll be keeping an eye out for him at the airports and stuff so we're going to ground for a while…What? No! Uh, I mean, that won't be necessa…Rupe? Oh, crap. He already hung up." Chen turned off the phone, shaking her head. "I don't believe this. No, wait…I do believe it. That's the problem!"

"What's ol' Rupers doing now," Alex drawled.

"The silly bastard is sending us a little backup, he says. Sending _her_, in fact."

"Uh. Oh. Right, her. Got it." Alex shuffled his feet. "We are so screwed…and she ain't even gonna kiss us first!"

Leaving the warehouse, Ranma allowed himself to be escorted back to the car. Idly, he noticed that they didn't handcuff him or Nabiki again. Instead, his eyes fell on the five simian bodies on the street, all of them with bizarre mechanical appendages and wings…all of them riddled with bullets. All of them terribly similar to the one he'd beaten to death just hours ago in the Tendo's yard.

There was something rotten in Nerima, and Ranma just knew he'd landed in the middle of it with both feet. Story of his life…

End Phase Two.

Phase Three Loading.

Author's Debriefing

And we're back, after 1) a bout of Dead Computer Syndrome and 2) a well-deserved and much-needed vacation.

Feng Shui player character credits (for those who care about such things).

Alex Rose belongs to Steven Bartalamay (Killer template).

Detective Chen "Patches" KuiLai is property of Yours Truly (Magic Cop template).

Rupert Kan belongs to Jason Johnson (Magic Cop template).

Battlechimp Potemkin, Furious George, the Flying Monkey Squad, and Jammers in general belong to Atlas Games and can be found in various supplements for Feng Shui (the RPG, that is).

Section 44 is Hong Kong's equivalent of the X-Files (or, if you prefer, the Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense). Further details of these loveable folks can be found in the newly released supplement for the Feng Shui RPG, Blowing Up Hong Kong.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Ranma ½ belongs to Rumiko Takahashi and Viz Video. Feng Shui (the RPG) belongs to Atlas Games. OOC and SI advisories are in effect. Radical alteration of original source material will occur. Purists have been warned. In fact, if you're the sort who takes the canon way too seriously, Stop Reading Right Now. You will NOT like where this is going. Flames will be used for target practice.

**Blowing Up Nerima**

A Feng Shui RPG/Ranma Crossover by the MadPanda

**Phase Three: Nothing Shocking**

It started in a stark, unpainted brick room with a secure iron door with a peephole, a naked light bulb hanging by its wire from the ceiling, a table, and three chairs. One chair contained a man, the presumed subject of questioning. He was a Japanese man, maybe in his late forties, with long black hair and mustache, a brown _gi_, and an air of emotional fragility. He reeked of _sake_ and tobacco fumes. One arm was in a sling. Against his well-documented reputation, he was not weeping copious tears at the moment. His name was Tendo Soun, and until earlier this afternoon he lived in a family compound with a dojo and a wall, and three lovely daughters. Someone blew it up, injuring two of his beloved children. The third was missing along with one of his houseguests, the son of his best friend and former training partner.

He suspected that this was the reason for his detention, but he could not say for sure. Nobody had spoken to him for hours. He hadn't seen his best friend, or his best friend's son, since the attack. He hadn't seen anyone since the police lead him to this interrogation room and left him, over three hours ago…long past suppertime, and long, long past his last drink or cigarette.

The door swung silently open to admit two men. One was obviously a member of Tokyo's finest: a veteran cop, forty-something with grey at his temples and the carefully schooled features of an old gendarme. He looked at Tendo Soun with a strange mixture of pity and disdain. The other man with him was a Westerner: slender, narrow-faced and narrow-featured, with a thin goatee and mustache to go with his short brown hair. His black suit and tie and sunglasses all but screamed 'government agent' or perhaps, 'hit man'. There was something slimy and treacherous in his manner. Perhaps it was his annoyingly high-pitched laugh. And perhaps it was his cold and predatory eyes, which did not smile when he laughs.

Now Tendo Soun truly began to worry as the Westerner, the _gaijin_, threw himself into one of the other chairs, giggled softly, and gave him a knowing glance.

"Let me get this straight," the _gaijin_ said in an almost playful tone. "You had the premiere martial artist of this generation under your roof for, what? Two years? And while he was enjoying your hospitality…" He gave a brief, sarcastic giggle. "While he was your houseguest, you and your old training buddy, who also just happens to be this poor bastard's father, did everything in your power to push him to the breaking point."

Tendo Soun almost spoke, reconsidering at the last second. Something was oh, so wrong with this picture. What could it be? The Japanese officer letting the _gaijin_ do all the talking…a bad sign! Certainly unusual. But his near-miss with foot and mouth did not go unnoticed even as the strange man kept talking.

"Good boy. Look, I'm sure you had the boy's best interests at heart…" Sarcasm dripped from every syllable. "You even offered him one of your daughters in marriage! It isn't your fault that he got stuck with the one least likely to cut him some slack. Or that your old master showed up because you didn't murder him as efficiently as you'd planned. And it can't even really be blamed on you that you never once gave the boy any rest from the ceaseless demands of this _bushido_ stuff you spout. Hey, you're a martial artist, right? Got to uphold the old family traditions, don't you? Never mind the human cost."

Every word seemed to hit home. Soun shrank further and further into himself with each sarcastic barb, losing what little dignity and poise he had.

"Well, you're in luck, Tendo-kun. It turns out that since you were merely Ranma's host and prospective father-in-law, my superiors don't really care what happens to you. So I'm just going to turn you over to my pals here, along with the accumulated abuse and neglect charges you've managed to build up, and see to it that justice is done. Unless, of course, you help me out."

"H-help you?"

"Yeah. Help me find Ranma. Think you can do that, Tendo-kun?"

"Ranma…" For a fleeting moment, Soun got a spark of life in his eyes. "Yes, Ranma-kun is responsible for this! It is a matter of honor that he…that…the schools must be joined…"

Almost as swiftly as it ignited, the spark was extinguished.

"I cannot. The dojo is gone. My babies are…my lovely, darling daughters are…"

The Japanese officer finally spoke. "They are not your daughters. It is truly surprising, Tendo-san, what some people are willing to do for their partners in crime…or should I address you as Ishida-san? That's your proper name, isn't it?"

"I…I…what?"

The Westerner suddenly stood, his hands slamming down on the table, his maddening giggle not more than ten centimeters from Soun's face.

"We know the truth, Ishida-_baka_. We found the contract you signed with Genma and Happosai. Best part is, Happosai confessed to the whole mess. You stupid, wretched, perverted moron! How young were those girls? Do you remember? Did you think to ask? How many did you kill to cover this up? You're so far beyond redemption, it ain't funny!"

Suddenly he leaned back again, grinning nastily.

"A sweet deal, wasn't it? Happosai provided you with three girls, brainwashed to believe that they're your daughters, and all you had to do is force Genma's son to marry one of them…preferably the youngest. Beautiful, really. In exchange, he buries your crimes so fucking deep they never see the light of day again. But you forgot to kill him properly the first time, didn't you?"

Soun twitched. The cop cleared his throat.

"What's wrong, Soun? Need a drink? Or is that your nicotine craving kicking in? We can accommodate you, my man. All you need to do is throw yourself on the metaphorical _tanto_ of modern justice. Give me a confession, you worthless child-abusing scum wad, and you can have your price. Hey, the panda's going price was rice, two fish, and a handful of pickles!"

Soun twitched again.

"H-how did you find out?"

"It wasn't easy," the Japanese officer said grimly. "Saotome Genma left quite a trail of misdeeds, all in his son's name. We had to take measures best left unmentioned. But the Nerima town council's reports of a certain aged panty thief…the one they hired you to stop? The one living in your house? Those were the final clue we needed."

Ranma woke up in a most unexpected manner: peacefully. For the first time in a long time, there was no bucket of cold water, no scream of 'Ranma, you PERVERT', no being tossed into the _koi_ pond for an early morning spar by his asshole father…not even an alarm clock. Nabiki was no longer here, although he could still smell faint traces of her perfume and the other half of the futon was still warm. For some reason this did not alarm him. Oh, the concepts 'Nabiki' and 'slept here' connected easily enough, but given how drunk she had gotten, how tired and confused they both felt, she probably wouldn't charge him more than usual to keep it quiet. Besides, he still had his pants on.

He sighed in resignation, rolled over…and sat bolt upright. He wasn't alone! There was a red-haired Chinese woman with a nine-ring staff and a yellow robe over a black tee shirt sitting in the corner. She gave him a cool and appraising smile, tilting her head ever so slightly to one side.

"Who are you?"

"I'm Saotome Ranma! Who the hell are you?"

"Probably a friend." She smirked. "How are you feeling?"

"Huh?"

"De-attunement usually feels terrible. Under the circumstances, I would imagine you might feel…"

"Clear-headed. Almost relaxed. I slept well. I felt fine until you startled me, thanks tons. Now, who are ya and where's Nabiki?"

"Your girlfriend is having breakfast. My name is Wu. Kelly Wu. I'm an associate of Detective Chen's."

"She's not my…oh, never mind. Nobody else is gonna believe I ain't datin' her. Why should you be any different?"

"Perhaps because I already got her side of the story? She was quite clear that you are not her ideal mate. But Chen said you were easy to tease, so…"

Ranma sighed. "Shoulda guessed."

Kelly stood and gave him a slight bow. "Get dressed, then come and eat. We have much to discuss and not nearly enough time."

She left Ranma scrambling to collect his things and follow her back to the other room where Patches, Alex, and Nabiki were most of the way through their breakfast. Alex was telling a story with some enthusiasm, hands waving.

"…so there we were, on top of this damn tower, a horde of demon spiders surrounding us, and all of a sudden this helicopter sort of drops out of the cloud cover, and there's the Techie hollering at us to get our butts on board…hi, Ranma…so he can drop the napalm on 'em…"

"This story again," Kelly grinned. "You always forget to mention that it was a Chinook. How Techie found one of those sitting around, I'll never know."

"He's very resourceful," the blue-haired cop shook her head. "I think he could find roast turkey with all the trimmings in the Sahara. Sleep well, Ranma?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Good. You eat. Kelly and I will bring you up to speed as best we can under the circumstances."

"Circum-what?"

"That Blue Thunder of Furinkan High yahoo is on the warpath. The stupid son-of-a-eunuch was ranting this morning on Fuji TV about your dark sorcery destroying the home of his beloved tigress.

"WHAT?" Ranma almost missed seeing Nabiki flinch at the news. "Great. So now I'm a wanted terrorist?"

"Not exactly. The government doesn't seem to be taking him very seriously…and that's good news. The bad news is that friend Kuno seems to have a lot of friends in strange places."

"Guiding Hand," Alex rolled his eyes. "Should've guessed!"

"Yep. Stupid know-it-all monks…sorry, Kelly. No offense."

"None taken. Quan Lo's a complete and utter jerk. Now, to business…Nabiki, you'd better tell him now."

Ranma looked at Nabiki, who had turned quite pale. She looked back at him, and he almost opened his mouth to tell her that she didn't need to tell him, whatever it was, because he didn't want to see her look like this ever again.

"No, Ranma, I…I have to do this," she shook her head. "You deserve to know the truth about…about everything."

"Go on," Kelly prompted. Nabiki shuddered.

"Ranma…there is no agreement between the families. The whole thing was a lie. All of it. There is no Tendo family. Akane, Kasumi, Soun, and I were all hired to…to create a family…to distract you." The fabled Ice Queen of Nerima shuddered again and wept, even as the words kept spilling out. "To neutralize you as an asset. To…to contain you from…oh, Kami-sama! I'm sorry! I'm so, so sorry…"

"Finish it," Patches growled at her.

"Happosai. He's behind it all. He set up the other…the engagements. The constant rivals. The challenges…and then, _she_ took care of the rest. With magic." Nabiki shuddered again, covering her face with her hands and crying piteously. Patches and Kelly shared a knowing look.

"Let's get one thing straight," the blue-haired woman said gently to Ranma. "Nabiki's been as mind-fucked as you ever were. She has been led to believe that she's highly allergic to magic. A belief I sort of exploited last night…because I needed to get and hold her attention. That wasn't fair of me, but I didn't have time to be fair. Or nice."

Ranma frowned but nodded. "Yeah, we were kinda getting shot at by those flying monkeys…"

"You've been living on top of a _feng shui_ site rich with dark _chi_ for two years," Kelly added. "With regular applications of certain spells to keep you pliable. Just in case you didn't already get the idea that everything you know is wrong, it's been done deliberately. Want to know why?"

"Every answer seems ta have only another question," Ranma griped.

This time, Alex answered him. "That's life, kid. Think of this as a challenge. Whoever made you their little bitch for the last two years is saying you don't have the guts to stand up and change this crap. Gonna let that slide?"

"Saotome Ranma don't lose!"

"Good. Now, _what are you prepared to do about it?_"

Gosunkugi Hikaru was having a bad day. This must be understood in context—for Gos, a good day was one in which he was only badly beaten up twice. Today was not so good. Normally, the bullies were quite content to just punch him a few times. Today, the usual gang of masked weirdoes had shown up to waylay him on his way to school…and they were carrying weapons.

"You pathetic, simpering worm!"

Spears, to be precise. Barbed spears. Ugly, jagged spears that had either been dipped in red paint or…

"The Master will thank us for ridding his empire of useless scum like you!"

Gosunkugi rolled out of the way, wetting his pants and whimpering as Cat Mask tried to pin him to the sidewalk. The others just laughed at the free entertainment. He scrambled away on all fours only to have another spear land right in his path.

"Hold still, human! Die like the pathetic bug you are!"

Gosunkugi was cornered. Trapped! Any second now he was going to die! It wasn't fair! What did he do? No, wait…what had he done to _them_?

"Hello, demon!" 

A cheerful female voice over-laden with the same bubbly Chinese accent Gos associated with Shampoo interrupted his morbid and self-pitying train of thought. There came a whirling noise and a sudden flash of light glinting off of something metallic. A second later, Cat Mask's head rolled off his body and the thug bled out in an impressive yet stomach-churning fashion.

"Goodbye, demon!"

And that is when his angel of bloody mercy swept down from her rooftop perch with her razor-edged boomerang in one hand and her nine-ring sword in the other. She struck a defiant pose, tilted her chin up and laughed at the thugs who had tried to kill him.

"This is where you run away," she told them mockingly.

The thugs raised their spears and charged as one with a mighty yell. Laughing, the woman met them with sword flashing and eyes dancing with strangely innocent joy! Watching her weave in and out of the spear-thrusts, her foes missing by the slimmest of margins, her grace and ferocity combining to turn her fight into a dance of death, Gosunkugi could not help but be thankful that this woman was not his enemy! She was as good as the hated Saotome!

The fight was not a fair one. Within a few seconds, the last of the thugs had fallen to ichor-oozing chunks of dead meat, and Gos's knight in rough Chinese silks was turning her attention back towards him.

"Hmph. Hardly worth the trouble," the woman commented to the world at large, wiping her sword clean. "What is the world coming to when one of Ming I's pet sorceresses cannot even find decent minions? You, boy…you can get up. It's safe. They're dead."

Gos swallowed, looked up at her outstretched hand, and fell in love all over again. All thoughts of Tendo Akane fled his heart for good as he took the helping (warm!) hand and struggled to his feet.

"Th-thank you very much, Miss…"

"You call me Sulan."

"Th-thank you, Sulan!"

"It is nothing. A mere outsider male such as you could not hope to fight them off yourself. To repay me, you will guide me to a member of my tribe said to be here. You would know of Cologne, Elder of the Courageous Women?"

"Oh! I know where she…that is…uhm…"

"Show me the way," Sulan ordered.

Whimpering quietly, all thought of school forgotten, Gosunkugi turned to show this beauteous, strong, incredible woman the way to the Nekohaten.

At the Kuno Mansion, Takewaki and Kodachi were caring for a sudden and quite unexpected guest…

"I must thank you for your generosity and kindness, Tendo-san."

"It is nothing! The very least I can do is put the resources of the Kuno Clan to work in helping my beloved tigress recover from the injuries inflicted by the dark sorcerer!"

Kodachi laughed: "Please, brother dear, spare me your histrionics! Ranma-sama is not the sort to strike even so worthless a peasant as Tendo Akane…oh, I do beg your pardon!"

"That's quite all right, Kuno-san. However, I would remind you that the Tendo Clan was also samurai. How else would we manage to have such a fine compound in the middle of Tokyo?"

An uncomfortable silence descended while the two siblings processed this: Tatewaki exalting in the thought that his beloved Akane was of suitable blood after all, and Kodachi hastily recalibrating her mind around the thought that she had perhaps been in error…

"Ranma-kun is another matter. I suspect he may be of _burakumin_ stock. Still, Father insists on the match, and it is my duty to see to it that the marriage is carried out. I understand this pleases neither one of you, but it is a matter of giri. Our personal feelings are not a concern."

Kodachi blinked. Was that…sarcasm?

'However, with the dojo in ruins and Ranma-kun wanted by the police, should a scion of Kuno aid in bringing him to justice, surely Father could not object to an _omiai_ with my youngest sister."

That was all Tatewaki needed to hear. Without bothering to excuse himself, the Blue Blunder sprang up from the table and dashed off to fetch the Kuno honor blade, bellowing his intent to smash the Foul Demon Saotome once and for all. Kodachi raised an eyebrow and opened her mouth as if to speak.

Across the table, Kasumi smiled and held up a hand to stall her question.

"And when Ranma-sama defeats your idiot brother, Lady Kuno, you will be the head of the clan, both de facto and de jure. Do you not find this pleasing?"

"I…I do." Kodachi shook her head. "I would have thought your middle sister the only one capable of such careful manipulation," she added in a low voice.

"I have some small talent at such games, Ko-chan. From whom did you imagine Nabiki learned her art?"

Kasumi laughed pleasantly, covering her mouth with one hand. It should have been a pleasant sound, but Kodachi turned aside to look out the window, hoping to hide the sudden chill in her bones. Something was very wrong with this picture…

Hibiki Ryoga, the eternally lost boy, was lost no longer. The gates of Furinkan High were before him. He grinned. Soon, he would have his revenge on Ranma and profess his love to Akane, and she would accept him in spite of the curse and forgive him for being P-chan and…

Wait. Something was different. He thought of Ranma stealing his bread…and felt nothing. He tried again, summoning up every memory he could of Ranma's insults and abuse. Still nothing. No anger, no depression, no resentment…nothing. He thought of the last time Ranma had insulted Akane: he had called her an uncute tomboy right after she had accused him of flirting with Shampoo, who had glomped him when as anyone could see he didn't want to be touched. After that, anybody would have insulted her, no matter how cute she was!

Ryoga blinked. What was this? Where was his righteous anger?

"There you are," an all too familiar voice reached him. The diminutive figure of Happosai bounced down from a rooftop. "Bet you're feeling the effects as well. Too bad."

"Huh? What? What do you want, you…you…" Ryoga fought to think of an appropriate epithet for the wizened old man. None came to mind. "Panty thief."

Happosai laughed. "That's it? That's the best insult you can come up with on the spur of the moment? Pathetic."

"Hey! Not like I usually have any other problem with you, Grandpa!"

"But you will. Those damn Jammers burned the best site in town, and now all the spells tied to it are wearing off. So I have to kill you quickly before you wake up completely."

"Huh?"

"Don't worry. Ranma will be blamed. I've made sure of that. You'll have your precious revenge from beyond the grave!"

"But…"

With that, Happosai leapt at Ryoga and the newest Battle of Furinkan was joined!

**End Phase Three**

**Loading Phase Four**

Author's Debriefing

Just when you thought this wasn't going to get any weirder, it did! Where we go from here, nobody knows…but there are at least two major Feng Shui sites left in Nerima that need destroying.

This is NOT a Ranma/Nabiki matchup. Nor is it a Ranma/Patches matchup. Nor, I promise you, is it a Kelly/Ranma or Sulan/Ranma matchup…although Gos might just get lucky.

Sorry for the delay, folks. Versions one through eight of this chapter involved way too much blah-blah-blah and not enough bang-pow-boom for my taste. It still does, but there you are.

Feng Shui character credits:

Kelly Wu, a slightly different flavor of Magic Cop, was played by Ron Abitz.

Sulan is a 'Chinese Amazon' from a 69AD juncture campaign we tried once, played by Yours Truly.

Our friendly neighborhood _gaijin_ is a Transformed Jackal named Marco Scarlotti…conceived by Yours Truly.

So now we have Guiding Hand, Thorns, Ascended, Jammers, Dragons, and multiplying subplots. Next Phase starts with the Ryoga-Happosai fight…


End file.
